Filled with Memories and Emotions

It's 7:30pm and my bags are finally packed for Monterey. I'm sitting here at my computer in pjs with flip flops and wet hair crying. Crying a lot these days I suppose. I'm crying for a lot of reasons too. I'm crying because I want this trip to rekindle what I once had with my boyfriend - who at this moment isn't even sure he wants to go...but I'm crying more because this will probably be my last trip with my Grandma.
Every summer for as long as I can remember my grandparents would take me to the coast with them. We would spend the week sightseeing, eating out and watching the waves come in. Last year in Monterey we got the news that Grandma had cancer and we called our trip short. This year we're returning and going to make the most of it...yet it's harder this time because the cancer is so much more real. Grandma doesn't have hair anymore and although her spirits are high, she tires easily...I'm scared...very scared right now about making this trip the most I can.

Holiday Health

Things are good...very good. Every holiday that I get with my Grandma right now sure seems like a blessing!! I'm so grateful.
I have a lot of thoughts going on right now...
1. Someone smart brought something to light for me yesterday and it's really made me smile. It's taking me a while to find a "real job" right now because it's going to be the right now. Whatever it is that I finally decide to do as a career is going to come, that's why things are going slow right now, because they have to in order for the right thing to walk along.
2. The hearing for my EDD trial has been set and I've been majorly stressing about having to stand in the same room as my old boss and not break down sobbing. That woman was so abusive that I'm literally scared...silly huh.
3. I'm happy. Not ecstatic like I've often been found to be in the past, but happy. Things are good, I'm on a solid path with a slight incline and I expect that somewhere in the future there is going to be a very big mountain.

Trouper

My Grandmother made it through Chemo and we're all excited to say that she has only a pea-sized piece of cancer left. It's in the bone on her chest and she'll need to do 10 days of radiation to try and get rid of it, but we're all very glad that everything else has cleared up and she's definitely going to be getting better very soon! My biggest concern is with the recurrance rate on her specific type of cancer. The statistics are scary but I must say that knowing I have her for at least one more Thanksgiving, Christmas and birthday sure do make me warm inside. She's such a huge piece of me.

Although I've sworn off all contact with Brandon, I realize that he may still try to contact me. If he does I've also decided on some conditions that I need met before I'm willing to start talking with him again. I need him to:
1- Try some hobbies together (spend time with me doing fun things, things that I like - climbing, hiking, rafting and such)
2- Check out my friends (in the past he hasn't always like my friends so I'd like to introduce him to my crowd and see how he reacts - I definitely place my friends above any guy and I need to know that he's okay with them)
3- Give us a chance (I need him to actually make an attempt at something with me. No more walls for either of us. Maybe it will last a week or maybe a month but I need it to be real and I need to know that least we tried).

I've been reading some really great books lately. I love reading! When I find a good book that makes me stay up reading until 1am (like last night) when I have to wake up at 8am the next morning - that reminds me of why I decided that English was passion.