Dumped again...one month and three days to the date of the last one.
Do you ever wish that someone could literally see and feel things from your perspective? I've been through various things and I don't think I've ever really wanted that. Right now - I do. My boyfriend is mad at me for something I didn't do. If I could just pull up deleted texts I could prove it. If I could just cave and call Beth I would...and yet...I feel like it wouldn't matter. He's made up his mind and he needs to do his monthly thing. I just wish he could see things from my eyes, I wish he could feel my love for him, my pain when he does this each time and the way that I feel in the middle of the month when I'm just waiting for this to happen again and again. I keep giving my heart and waiting to be hurt...yet each time he breaks it, I have to wonder if it grows a little smaller.
As I do, I called Brian to see what he thinks I should do. Of course his first response when I said that my boyfriend was upset because he thought I texted Brandon was "How com I'm ok but not the other?" So Brian! Then he said "Of course he's throwing a fit. Guys do that when it comes to exes." When I asked if I should just cave and call Beth, he said that I need to really think about it. Yes it's not a good thing to cave but..."As a friend I'm saying you can be very difficult." Lol! I know that and Brian's brutal honesty with me is always very refreshing. He tells it like it is. I need that sometimes. Although the only that Brian really made me aware of was the fact that I'm being to idealistic if I really expect my boyfriend to trust me. Apparently, guys just don't do that.
The worst part is that I completely trust Steve. He could go out to dinner with an ex and so long as he told me what was up and came home to me afterwards I could deal with it. I don't think I've ever felt this type of trust before but this is the first relationship I've been in since my diagnosis and since I've started really working at being health and only being in healthy relationships. Is it true that they say only cheaters get worried that you're cheating?? I sure hope not because I'm putting my 100% into believing that Steve is faithful and I refuse to let that be shaken unless he says so out of his own mouth.
