Energy

Once again I will stress the power of the energy you put into the world. I have been sitting next to an individual at work for nearly a month now and every day this individual is upset and frustrated at something. Her energy radiates over to my desk on a constant basis. She may not realize it but the negative energy she puts off makes me angry in return. I get frustrated with her easily and don't feel like pursuing communication with her. This only reminds me more and more of the fact that I need to be constantly aware of my own energy.

Transference of Energy

I realized today that I have been forgetting to live in the now far too often. I'm going to keep a close eye on myself and make sure that I maintain "now-ness".

Remember that whole theory on energy I had...you know, where you expell the same energy that world returns to you. I really need to improve the energy I'm giving off! This morning I got up and went to the gas station. A man appeared to be waving at me, I assumed he had mistake me for someone else. No...he came up to my car and I rolled down the window. He then attempted to tell me in broken English that he is from Mexico, does not speak good English but wanted my telephone number. Mind you this man was old enough to be my father. I, of course, told him no. Yuck...I walked away thinking, what the hell sort of people am I attracting here!!!

My day went well from there; however, tonight I was sitting on my couch in the living room playing around on my laptop. Until...suddenly...it burst into flames! No joke! My laptop caught on fire. WTF?

Whatever energy I'm sending out into the world that is coming back around to me, is not good energy and I have some serious rethinking to do.

Paintball

I just got home from 10 hours of paintball and I'm bruised!!! Big purple spots all over my legs and back. WOW!!! It was a blast! We played two different types. On where we got to run around in the woods and hope that no one saw or found us. Another where we had a course and had to hide behind tires and stuff. It was crazy wild. I got to shoot people and run, hide, crawl in the dirt...I had a great time enjoying something I wasn't sure I'd like at all.
Did mention that I have a huge crush on someone new? Someone who I want to work out. He's super kind hearted, given, adenturous and so many other great things I can list of hours. Oh, and he's SMOKING hot. Normally I would say that I don't stand a chance with someone like him. But, I've got this renewed self-confidence and I feel like I could date anyone I want and not be jealous or insecure. I think I'm at a place in my life where I can finally feel stable with someone who is worthy, but they have to worthy or it isn't gonna work. Anyway, we'll be hanging out tomorrow too so...if things go good, I think I'm gonna ask him out. Can you believe that? I've never asked a guy out but this one just might be worth it. I know I'm leaving in a matter of weeks but I feel like there is something pulling me to at least get to know him better, if it's meant to be it will work...whether that's now or in the future...I don't know...but...let's just see...

Random-ness

I'm going on a date tonight with a wonderful guy who is a female body trainer. Crazy! He's totally buff and he spends his day around GORGEOUS women who do a variety of things including modeling, cheerleading and more. Yet, I feel confident that I'm good enough for him. I'm okay with his job and the women around him, they don't threaten me in any way and I'm not jealous...this may be the first time in my life that I've been at ease with the idea of someone letting him do his thing, I'll do mine, and I'll put faith in you to be honest with me as to how things go.

I hate voice mail...with a passion! Yesterday I had something rather comical to share with Alena and so I called her, when she didn't answer I decided to leave a message and yet make it clear that a voice mail message in return would send my frazzled nerves a frenzy! I understand the desire to leave a voice mail message - sometimes I even like them. But as a whole, I hate voice mail. I have caller ID and if you're one of my friends - I can see you called and I'll call you, no need to leave a message! I rant...hehehehe!

Some crazy nut was on my blog space at 1am this morning!! According to my blog log - this individual looked at 20 pages of my stuff...I laughed like crazy when I saw that, I didn't even know I written tha much and certainly not anything interesting enough to warrant that much reading! HA! Thank you my loyal reader and may tonight bring you some sleep!

Do what makes you happy, I can't say this enough. Do you not know the answer? Ask yourself and make sure you spend enough alone time to listen. If it's a person, if it's a hobby, if it's a job or a food you want - do what makes you happy!!! Happiness can only be created from within and although sometimes hard to see, we all can achieve such wonderful things if we just spend the time and effort on making sure we understand and work for the things in our lives that are our priorities.

I'd like to send some thoughts and well wishes to the Beasaw family who is dealing with a very crazy group of individuals at this time. This wonderful family has been the target of some evangelicals in their area (yes, they really do exist) who think it is their duty to save them from damnation. I, however, feel strongly that this family is not damned. Jeanne Beasaw has been such a kind soul to me. When living in Missouri she was the only adult who really was there when needed. She always offered herself, her family and her home to Cottey girls, myself included. She is much loved!!! Jason Beasaw is a wonderful guy as well! As we all know, Jason and his wife are kind hearted people who will go out of their way for those that matter to them. Again, truly a wonderful family and I hope all the people in my life will send them positive energy as they are in need and truly deserving!

I'm Such A Shit-Head

I'm such a shit-head sometimes! There's this guy at school who I have a crush on (keep in mind that the term crush means very little to me as I find myself having crushes on nearly everyone at some point).
Anyway, he doesn't really know me...at all! I know enough about him, through my ability to listen to other people's conversations without them noting I'm in the room...hahaha. Anyway, he's a decent guy, in a totally not long term sort of way. Well, yesterday I saw he'd posted a personal ad (yes I love looking at personal ads, so what?). So...I wrote him an email (from an undisclosed account) and said more or less - hey, I know you...you don't know me but I think you're a doll. What are you looking for?
He wrote me this rather adorable letter (of significant length) in which he talked about life and stuff. He has no clue who I am and wants to know...any yet...the shit-head in me is telling me to keep it a mystery. I know it can have two very different effects - one good and one bad...but my intuition says that this one can wait. The best ones out there are willing to wait for you...the others aren't worth the effort.

The Energy We Put Off

Everyone gives off energy in their own way and form. I spoke with someone today about the energy I give off and how that draws individuals into my life who are bad for me. I have set a standard that is not that high and by putting my bar there, I am preventing those who are worthy or above that, from coming into my life. Have you thought about your energy today? What sort of people are you drawing into your life?

I draw people who seek power. Individuals who are without their own power seek out...well...me. This is because I am willing to give up my own power very freely and openly as I don't understand or even recognize it. By ignoring the power I have as an individual, I am drawing those to me who seek control and so...well...I guess I get what I want in the end.

I'm going to work on holding onto my own power and providing energy that does not allow others to gain from my giving. I am going to begin seeking out friends and individuals for relationships who have their own power and can actually offer me something. I don't do that very often. Normally, I seek out those that I can give something to...when really I should be seeking those who can give to me. For example, my last "relationship"...what was being given to me that I didn't first give? Honesty? No. Trust? No. Security? Certainly not. He saw this much clearer than I did and took advantage of all I had to offer. I need to focus on allowing people to earn their place in my life without feeling like that's wrong of me.

Did I mention that I can feel energy?

Did I mention that I can feel energy and in turn, predict...some stuff? I can.
On a different note, I worked on my application for the Peace Corp today. I'm nervous and excited all the same. Since I started it a while back and all the data was saved, I only have one very small part to finish. I haven't told my family yet, I think I'll wait a few months. But...if all goes well, I'll be shipping off to Africa in October. I think this group could really utilize my skills and abilities in a way that would help both them and me. I think this is the type of volunteerism that would be well balanced and allow me the wholeness of giving.