Showing posts with label living in the now. Show all posts
Showing posts with label living in the now. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
The Standard
We all have these internal standards that have been set. The question really is, where did that standard come from and who is responsible for setting that standard? Today, I learned that "I set the standard." No one else is responsible for deciding what is "good enough" for me. In the past, I've always allowed the standard to be what I've been told I'm able to achieve. However...that's just not the case. That idea of go out there and do the best you can. Well...that comes from within as well. You'll try the best you can for that day or that moment or project and that then becomes the standard you have for yourself. So, in the morning now when I wake up, I'm going to look in the mirror and remind myself that "I set the standard."
Monday, July 21, 2008
The Weekend
So we all know that last week was EXTREMELY tough on me. Between the loss of my cousin and my grandmom's health, I've been really hurting. It was strange because although last week was rough and this week is going to tougher...I have this weekend in the middle that I had already committed to. It was a bit of a distraction and that was nice. I got to get away from the real world and just touch base with myself. It was much needed and a great time.
I also got to go to the Coloma Club for the first time. That place is really neat. They have the back of the club set up kinda in a tropical fashion. Definitely comes with my recommendation - you can bet I'll be there more often!
I also got to go to the Coloma Club for the first time. That place is really neat. They have the back of the club set up kinda in a tropical fashion. Definitely comes with my recommendation - you can bet I'll be there more often!
Monday, February 11, 2008
The Good Things We See In Others
In (of course) a written correspondence with a good friend of mine, he wrote:
"Well, well. You've got some major changes going in your life, don't you? Two months without a Midori Sour? That's impressive in its own right, not to mention going off the meds, too. Sounds like somebody might be getting settled into her own skin ... ;)"
I can't say that I thought this on my own. I wouldn't say that I felt "settled" into my own skin but yes, I am becoming more at peace with my reality - I suppose...I do like my skin and feel some what at ease with it.
The no meds, no alcohol, no caffine, and upped exercise has really made a change for me.
First, the no meds. I never thought I'd be in this place in my life. It had always seemed so scary! Although, Kay Jamison did write "pills cannot, do not, ease one back into reality; they only bring one back headlong, careening, and faster than can be endured at times." I felt like this really hit home for me. My medications had become such a concrete part of my own reality that they were beginning to push me in directions that weren't healthy and yet I held fast. Living without them has been hard, coming off them much easier than I had thought...yet...I will confess that since Saturday morning my heart rate has been faster than I'd like and my mind more scattered and fragmented than I'd like. I suppose certain stimuli still create that reaction for me...but, the realization of these facts and the knowledge that I can handle this without medication, without those emergency pills I carry on me...really feels empowering. I'm pill free for one month on Monday!!!! ME!!!
Second, no alcohol and no caffine! I came off both because without the medications I really needed to focus on only putting the good into my body until I am in a place that's firm enough to alter that state. No telling if I'll get there in a month, a year, a decade...but until I find that place and know that I'm not going to be without it under the imfluence of these drugs, I don't think that either of these products are of any use to me. This friend of mine, knew how I used alcohol to relieve my discomfort in an unhealthy way and he's right - this is a rather remarkable thing for me to walk away from. But, I am strong enough in myself and I suppose, settled into my own skin, in a way that allows me to control these emotions without the help of something like alcohol.
I think that the best things in ourselves are the things that others see and we can't. The things that are pushed back into our minds that we don't acknowledge until brought forth by someone in our lives. Those are the things that are fundamentally who we are and those are the things that make each and every individual so unique and precious.
"Well, well. You've got some major changes going in your life, don't you? Two months without a Midori Sour? That's impressive in its own right, not to mention going off the meds, too. Sounds like somebody might be getting settled into her own skin ... ;)"
I can't say that I thought this on my own. I wouldn't say that I felt "settled" into my own skin but yes, I am becoming more at peace with my reality - I suppose...I do like my skin and feel some what at ease with it.
The no meds, no alcohol, no caffine, and upped exercise has really made a change for me.
First, the no meds. I never thought I'd be in this place in my life. It had always seemed so scary! Although, Kay Jamison did write "pills cannot, do not, ease one back into reality; they only bring one back headlong, careening, and faster than can be endured at times." I felt like this really hit home for me. My medications had become such a concrete part of my own reality that they were beginning to push me in directions that weren't healthy and yet I held fast. Living without them has been hard, coming off them much easier than I had thought...yet...I will confess that since Saturday morning my heart rate has been faster than I'd like and my mind more scattered and fragmented than I'd like. I suppose certain stimuli still create that reaction for me...but, the realization of these facts and the knowledge that I can handle this without medication, without those emergency pills I carry on me...really feels empowering. I'm pill free for one month on Monday!!!! ME!!!
Second, no alcohol and no caffine! I came off both because without the medications I really needed to focus on only putting the good into my body until I am in a place that's firm enough to alter that state. No telling if I'll get there in a month, a year, a decade...but until I find that place and know that I'm not going to be without it under the imfluence of these drugs, I don't think that either of these products are of any use to me. This friend of mine, knew how I used alcohol to relieve my discomfort in an unhealthy way and he's right - this is a rather remarkable thing for me to walk away from. But, I am strong enough in myself and I suppose, settled into my own skin, in a way that allows me to control these emotions without the help of something like alcohol.
I think that the best things in ourselves are the things that others see and we can't. The things that are pushed back into our minds that we don't acknowledge until brought forth by someone in our lives. Those are the things that are fundamentally who we are and those are the things that make each and every individual so unique and precious.
Monday, February 4, 2008
I'm Such A Shit-Head
I'm such a shit-head sometimes! There's this guy at school who I have a crush on (keep in mind that the term crush means very little to me as I find myself having crushes on nearly everyone at some point).
Anyway, he doesn't really know me...at all! I know enough about him, through my ability to listen to other people's conversations without them noting I'm in the room...hahaha. Anyway, he's a decent guy, in a totally not long term sort of way. Well, yesterday I saw he'd posted a personal ad (yes I love looking at personal ads, so what?). So...I wrote him an email (from an undisclosed account) and said more or less - hey, I know you...you don't know me but I think you're a doll. What are you looking for?
He wrote me this rather adorable letter (of significant length) in which he talked about life and stuff. He has no clue who I am and wants to know...any yet...the shit-head in me is telling me to keep it a mystery. I know it can have two very different effects - one good and one bad...but my intuition says that this one can wait. The best ones out there are willing to wait for you...the others aren't worth the effort.
Anyway, he doesn't really know me...at all! I know enough about him, through my ability to listen to other people's conversations without them noting I'm in the room...hahaha. Anyway, he's a decent guy, in a totally not long term sort of way. Well, yesterday I saw he'd posted a personal ad (yes I love looking at personal ads, so what?). So...I wrote him an email (from an undisclosed account) and said more or less - hey, I know you...you don't know me but I think you're a doll. What are you looking for?
He wrote me this rather adorable letter (of significant length) in which he talked about life and stuff. He has no clue who I am and wants to know...any yet...the shit-head in me is telling me to keep it a mystery. I know it can have two very different effects - one good and one bad...but my intuition says that this one can wait. The best ones out there are willing to wait for you...the others aren't worth the effort.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Ooji
Ooji breathing will save the world...I do believe this...I do...
It was a long day but I am finally sitting comfy in my house with Chewy. I miss Wally but Chewy and I are cool.
I want to gush over the major hottie who has an interest in me. A new guy, with potential. I have to remember to keep grounded on this issue and not set my feelings for him in stone, as I did with the last guy (as we all know by now). I have to remember to sit back and watch, not just act and not just feel. Anyway, he has an adult job that he likes, a college degree and a dog. He works 6 months of the year doing his thing and then plays semi-pro-baseball the other portion. He's 27 years old (I'm trying to get better about the whole age thing since I want someone who my family won't raise eyebrows about), he likes motorcycles, and the river! I LOVE THE RIVER!!
Different topic:
Do you ever pull out your photo album and look at it...and think...I lived through that, but was I really living in the now? I know, an odd thought...but, today I looked at some photos and I didn't feel connected to most of them. Although I know I was there and I remember things about the event, I feel a disconnect from that. Was it because at the time I wasn't living in the present?
It was a long day but I am finally sitting comfy in my house with Chewy. I miss Wally but Chewy and I are cool.
I want to gush over the major hottie who has an interest in me. A new guy, with potential. I have to remember to keep grounded on this issue and not set my feelings for him in stone, as I did with the last guy (as we all know by now). I have to remember to sit back and watch, not just act and not just feel. Anyway, he has an adult job that he likes, a college degree and a dog. He works 6 months of the year doing his thing and then plays semi-pro-baseball the other portion. He's 27 years old (I'm trying to get better about the whole age thing since I want someone who my family won't raise eyebrows about), he likes motorcycles, and the river! I LOVE THE RIVER!!
Different topic:
Do you ever pull out your photo album and look at it...and think...I lived through that, but was I really living in the now? I know, an odd thought...but, today I looked at some photos and I didn't feel connected to most of them. Although I know I was there and I remember things about the event, I feel a disconnect from that. Was it because at the time I wasn't living in the present?
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