So, in response to an email I sent...my "On Divorced Men" friend about running into the ex and yet not really running into him - how it affected me, what I felt, what I didn't feel, and how I'm thinking about it all...he wrote the following email (my comments to his letter in the blue)...:
As twisted as this might sound at first, it's actually good for you to be somewhat freaking out after seeing your ex with another woman. This means you're actually allowing yourself to feel emotion! Gasp! I'm not sure you've ever allowed yourself to do this. He knows me well...as he took note of and I've come to realize, this ex was the first guy I've had feelings for in over five years. It's sad to me to think that I'm not capable of feeling those emotions more regularly and yet...I feel lucky to have felt them at all, even if it was super short lived. It gives me hope that in the future I'll feel it again and maybe sometime down the road, it will be right and real and...yes...that scary word...LOVE. Mind you I've only said "I love you" in that way to one man in my entire life. I won't say it if I don't mean it.
Showing posts with label heart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label heart. Show all posts
Monday, February 11, 2008
Saturday, February 9, 2008
A Rush
WOW! WOW! WOW! I had a meetup today for Pomeranians and as I was leaving the site I saw the ex (Brian) with another girl. WOW! At first my heart raced, my stomach attempted to empty and I felt entirely dizzy all over. Then it went away and I realized that I wasn't even hurt by it. I was shocked, yes...a little amazed perhaps...but okay.
I guess I feel okay because even looking at him with someone else I didn't see him. He wasn't the person I remember him being at all and I was reminded of what our relationship was not. I was reminded that everything about our time together wasn't real. Our every moment wasn't what I thought it was. It was odd...it was like staring at your own life from the outside.
Bits of the rush are still with me, like that feeling of utter nausea, of wanting to vomit and wanting to take form in the fetal position and just close your eyes.
Elisha once told me, what you need to realize is that when he dumped you, it really had nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. She said "it would have happened no matter who he was with." She's right and I think because I understand this, it has made me able to see him with someone else and to think - I hope he's happy. I hope he doesn't treat her the same as he did me.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
On a different note, I'm about to head out to my next event for the day and I'm excited! I'll let you know how it goes. Before I get there I need to find a shoe store and buy some black flats though...my outfit for my last event of the evening requires them!
I guess I feel okay because even looking at him with someone else I didn't see him. He wasn't the person I remember him being at all and I was reminded of what our relationship was not. I was reminded that everything about our time together wasn't real. Our every moment wasn't what I thought it was. It was odd...it was like staring at your own life from the outside.
Bits of the rush are still with me, like that feeling of utter nausea, of wanting to vomit and wanting to take form in the fetal position and just close your eyes.
Elisha once told me, what you need to realize is that when he dumped you, it really had nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. She said "it would have happened no matter who he was with." She's right and I think because I understand this, it has made me able to see him with someone else and to think - I hope he's happy. I hope he doesn't treat her the same as he did me.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
On a different note, I'm about to head out to my next event for the day and I'm excited! I'll let you know how it goes. Before I get there I need to find a shoe store and buy some black flats though...my outfit for my last event of the evening requires them!
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Wow! I put my heart on the line and I'm broken. I guess I should know better by now but I don't. I met this amazing guy who made me want to give our relationship everything I had and he dumped me. Ouch! I'm devistated to say the least, shocked to add on that...and yet I feel like I should have known better. The second I start to trust someone this happens, I just should have known better.
I thought I could tell him how I felt and he'd get it...guess not. I thought he'd be long term...guess not.
My heart will bleed for a while, my eyes will certainly be swollen for a while...but really I'm just angry at myself because I knew better - fate never works in my favor.
I thought I could tell him how I felt and he'd get it...guess not. I thought he'd be long term...guess not.
My heart will bleed for a while, my eyes will certainly be swollen for a while...but really I'm just angry at myself because I knew better - fate never works in my favor.
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