A Rush

WOW! WOW! WOW! I had a meetup today for Pomeranians and as I was leaving the site I saw the ex (Brian) with another girl. WOW! At first my heart raced, my stomach attempted to empty and I felt entirely dizzy all over. Then it went away and I realized that I wasn't even hurt by it. I was shocked, yes...a little amazed perhaps...but okay.

I guess I feel okay because even looking at him with someone else I didn't see him. He wasn't the person I remember him being at all and I was reminded of what our relationship was not. I was reminded that everything about our time together wasn't real. Our every moment wasn't what I thought it was. It was odd...it was like staring at your own life from the outside.

Bits of the rush are still with me, like that feeling of utter nausea, of wanting to vomit and wanting to take form in the fetal position and just close your eyes.

Elisha once told me, what you need to realize is that when he dumped you, it really had nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. She said "it would have happened no matter who he was with." She's right and I think because I understand this, it has made me able to see him with someone else and to think - I hope he's happy. I hope he doesn't treat her the same as he did me.
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On a different note, I'm about to head out to my next event for the day and I'm excited! I'll let you know how it goes. Before I get there I need to find a shoe store and buy some black flats though...my outfit for my last event of the evening requires them!

An Old Favorite

Since returning from Cottey I have not partaken in an old favorite of mine. I enjoy reading in public...ha!
At Cottey I would go up the hill to the lake, lay out a blanket and read with the swans and ducks roaming around me. It was some of the most productive studying I ever accomplished. Today, I went down to the tea shop by my place, took out a book, sat in the sun and enjoyed myself. I felt it was a productive morning and yet it was so relaxing and simple. How could I have ignored this favorite of mine? It felt great, the sun warming the back of my neck and a decent (not entirely good) book.

Baby Steps

In an attempt to learn to struggle less and yet achieve the same, I have implemented some new things into my life. My mornings now begin with a paper journal that contains three things I am grateful for, one overall daily goal towards centering myself, and one step I can take to achieve this goal. My evenings are now reflection on this and whether I was able to complete the step and where I'm at with the goal.
Beginning tomorrow, I will be a Yoga Goddess. I am signed up for daily yoga with my new hot pink mat. The classes I have tomorrow are Yoga Basics and Karma Yoga. I think it should be a good experience and help me towards rebalancing my insane orbit right now.

Tonight, I have a group of friends (I've named them the M's - yeppo - Mandy, Max and Melanie...plus my deal others who don't start with M's) coming over for pizza, drinks and ... moving! Of course this played largely on my goal for the day. I'm trying to start with something I really feel I can accomplish so, we'll just see how it goes.