2008 and the Future

I have grown emotionally and spiritually more this year than any other thus far. For that, I am the MOST grateful. I certainly have had the hardest moments of my life this year, but as a result I have learned to live every day to the fullest and to love with all I have to give.

This year, I actually made friends. Friends I expect to have a lifetime. Nicole and Stacey - I am grateful for you both. In addition, I met Brad who then introduced me to my second family - Peak Adventures; for this, I am speechless. In addition, I have made numerous new companions including Stan and Felix who were both very instrumental in cementing myself within the things I've learned this year.

I am grateful for Cinnamon who helped me through the hardest days and never let me forget them. I am grateful for Candace who continues to be patient with my learning and growth and work with me to find the perfect answers.

Above all else (and anyone and everyone who knows me knows this) I am SO GRATEFUL that I have my Grandma this year. Her battle with cancer was won bravely and with courage I've never seen or imagined before. Although I've always considered her my hero, I never imagined that she wouldn't be in my life. Her cancer caused me to wake up and realize just how precious life is. As a result, I have gotten to know her better and have had the privilege of spending many great hours talking about life.

I've learned what it means to live in the now, just how valuable a good job truly is, where to go when in need of healing, how to find a center within myself...I could keep going for hours. There is just now way to express accurately how much this year has meant to me.

On a side note - a few "big" moments in my life this year include:
* Quitting animal rescue and turning over my 501(c)(3)
* Getting roommates
* Getting robbed
* Finding out my Grandma has cancers
* Finding out my sister-in-law was arrested
* Finding out my cousin was arrested
* Hooking up yet again with Brandon
* Watching Brandon run away, yet again
* Getting fired
* Experiencing the outdoors for the first time in my adult life

Holiday Health

Things are good...very good. Every holiday that I get with my Grandma right now sure seems like a blessing!! I'm so grateful.
I have a lot of thoughts going on right now...
1. Someone smart brought something to light for me yesterday and it's really made me smile. It's taking me a while to find a "real job" right now because it's going to be the right now. Whatever it is that I finally decide to do as a career is going to come, that's why things are going slow right now, because they have to in order for the right thing to walk along.
2. The hearing for my EDD trial has been set and I've been majorly stressing about having to stand in the same room as my old boss and not break down sobbing. That woman was so abusive that I'm literally scared...silly huh.
3. I'm happy. Not ecstatic like I've often been found to be in the past, but happy. Things are good, I'm on a solid path with a slight incline and I expect that somewhere in the future there is going to be a very big mountain.

Transference of Energy

I realized today that I have been forgetting to live in the now far too often. I'm going to keep a close eye on myself and make sure that I maintain "now-ness".

Remember that whole theory on energy I had...you know, where you expell the same energy that world returns to you. I really need to improve the energy I'm giving off! This morning I got up and went to the gas station. A man appeared to be waving at me, I assumed he had mistake me for someone else. No...he came up to my car and I rolled down the window. He then attempted to tell me in broken English that he is from Mexico, does not speak good English but wanted my telephone number. Mind you this man was old enough to be my father. I, of course, told him no. Yuck...I walked away thinking, what the hell sort of people am I attracting here!!!

My day went well from there; however, tonight I was sitting on my couch in the living room playing around on my laptop. Until...suddenly...it burst into flames! No joke! My laptop caught on fire. WTF?

Whatever energy I'm sending out into the world that is coming back around to me, is not good energy and I have some serious rethinking to do.

Still Finding the Missing

I'm still finding stuff that was stolen by Diana when she moved out. That bitch!!! Today I realized that she stole one of my dresses. A new one that I bought when we went shopping together. THAT BITCH! I can't emphasize that enough. The part that bugs me the most is that she couldn't even fit into my clothing so why would you take something like that - just to give it to a friend as a gift later? I know that Karma will get her but at the same time, I feel rage at the fact that she took stuff that wasn't hers. I did file a police report and never heard anything - I think I may follow up on that tomorrow as something should have been done and if nothing was then I want to voice my opinion about that.

Controversy

After a long night last night I got home and called my buddy Brian. I wanted his opinion on something. At the end of the day I had come to a conclusion about a situation and found that I was the only one who felt the way that I did. Thank goodness that after a short conversation with Brian, my faith in mankind was restored. Although Brian and I don't always agree on controversial issues, there are some fundamental ideas that we have in common and that is what makes Brian one of my best friends.

Amazing Human Feats

Yesterday I attended the North Face Endurance Challenge. A 50 mile race near Rodeo Beach. I am amazed to say that I saw one man complete a 50 mile run in 6 hours. He was clearly drained and exhausted beyond anything I've ever seen - but WOW, what an amazing man! He was probably in his 50's. It of course was very inspiring so today I decided to sign up for a 5k, nothing in comparison but something I know that I could do and maybe progress from. I'd love to run a 10k or even a marathon at some point and now is a fine time to start.

Oh, have I mentioned that Brandon has been on my mind a lot lately. Yesterday I met a total smoking hot guy and was nearly drooling over him - I realized that Brandon is my type. I do have a type!! I'm kinda excited to say that. I have a tendency to like guys with distinct features - this up turned nose, dark hair with some degree of a receding hairline, blue eyes and a strong jaw bone. Oy! I may not be dating but I sure can stare and gawk from afar.

Linked Minds

I have this incredible relationship with my mother. We're like best friends and yet, not...she always says that we're like the Gilmore Girls. I enjoy her company and strangely when I think of something, she tends to be thinking the same thing. Today she said - all I want for my birthday is some more sweet pea hand lotion. I had to laugh because for her birthday I got her a basket of all the sweet pea products! Ha! Go figure! Some people think that being like their mother is a bad thing - I certainly don't. I think it's rather strange but I think that it just goes to show the bond that we have.

On a different note, tomorrow is the North Face Endurance Challenge. It's a marathon down in San Francisco. I'm excited. I'm getting up at 6am to shuttle down there with a crew of five guys. I didn't realize til today that I would be spending my day with all men until I was talking with my parents and realized that no other gals were going. Gosh, does that make me a tomboy??

Still Searching

Today I got up and put up the Christmas tree, decorated it, painted parts of the house, went to a job interview, and then came home to bake some cookies. Busy, busy! Now I'm sitting in a quiet house watching a silly TV show. It's strange how I haven't really been alone at all today and yet I'm feeling lonely. I feel like there is something missing, something that I should be out there searching for...it's confusing to me and yet instead of trying to figure it all out, I find myself attempting to create my own destractions.