Cinnamon and I were talking about control. I worry sometimes that I try to control too much. But...she brought to my attention a whole new concept.
I had althought thought I had a pet peeve - when someone says - let's do dinner at 7pm and then changes the plans - it really really really upsets me. I just thought that it was a quirk. She think's that it's because I need a structured environment to be sane. When someone changes plans last minute it seems like disrespect, lying, and a few other dirty words. So, ultimately this method of control is not about trying to control people, I'm trying to control my environment and this is okay. Cinnamon came to the conclusion that I control my environment to keep my own sanity, I want to avoid getting mad or feeling hurt so I try not to put people in positions where I know they'll let me down...yet, when they do...it hurts in a rather extreme way.
Apparently, this "pet peeve" is one that is extremely common in individuals with OCD. I was shocked and rather relieved to hear this. I had always thought that I was just batty about this issue for no reason. Now I know that I'm not alone and I'm learning that the more I learn about these little quirks I have, how they make me feel, and how I can avoid them, the more I'm able to share that with those I love or care about and thus not lose someone because of something silly - like a misunderstanding.
