I'm not entirely sure how I got to this place, but I have a fear, a complete and utterly terrifying fear of February. I start to feel this impending doom around the middle of January as I feel February creeping into my calendar view.
Here it is, the "F" word...the nasty, dirty thing that it is - February!
There are a lot of thoughts about where I think this fear may have come from. The first being that I have never been dating someone and been spoiled on that dreaded day...February 14th. I have never gotten those beautiful red roses, chocolates or a romantic dinner.
There was a year, long, long ago, when I was asked on a Valentine's date. Like most of my attempts at special nights...it failed miserably with me sitting in a really hot outfit with my female roomie. We made the best of it and used edible body paint and rum to distract from the fact that my date flopped and although he showed up, he showed dressed casual (jeans!!), no flowers, no chocolates, no dinner plans...oh yeah, and he showed up on the door at 10pm.
I suppose ever since that really nasty event (which I do take partial credit for, which I'd rather not get into too much detail over ...now at least...), I've had a very terrifying time watching February 14th creep onto my calendar.
This year will be like all the others though...I will not have a date, I will not get flowers, I will not get chocolates and I will not get a romantic dinner with someone I love. I will inevitably be forced to watch my co-workers get flowers, eat their chocolates and discuss great dinner plans around the water cooler.
I almost feel a strange sort of acceptance about this though. Although my heart flutters and my squint in anger when I look at the calendar, I know that I'll get an "I love you" telephone call from Alena, I know that Akiko will send me an e-card with something crazy on it, my dad will inevitably get me a really thoughtful Hallmark item and the day will pass, like the worst of everything always does.
