So tonight I did what I always do when alone or scared - I went and hung out with Brandon. He was house sitting for his sister...shortly after Brandon and I met five years ago, he moved into this house with his grandfather who was severely ill (old age). When his grandfather died a year and a half ago, his sister bought the house and moved in with her husband and two kids. Of course Brandon moved out at that time and I hadn't been in the house since. BUT WOW! His sister really did an amazing job at fixing up the place. The family knocked down walls, re-did the flooring, painted, and more. It looks stunning now, modern!
Anyway, Brandon and I hung out and it was nice. Mind you, when I was dating the Beaver and then the other Brian - I didn't see Brandon at all. I didn't want to make either one worry (although I'll admit telling the other Brian that I was still hanging out with Brandon. After some thought and debate, I decided that I did that because he got to hang out with girls who liked him and didn't care about my feelings so I felt that it would make me feel better to do the same - it didn't...but that's another story...). So, Brandon and I watched a few movies, I got to see Beau (the most adorable senior dog). We had a good time. There was a lot of quiet time where we were just sitting around and enjoying each others company. During these quiet moments I realized that there is a lot about him that I need to recognize and consider.
First - Brandon has been important in my life because he puts me in line. When I say something stupid or act in a way he doesn't like - he doesn't put up with it. He calls me on it and stands firm. He needs absolutely nothing from me and this is a comfort to me. I need this in my life every once in a while.
Second - It isn't that Brandon makes me feel great about myself, it's that I only spend time around him when I need a boost and am really working at making myself feel good. He just happens to be there.
Third - It took five years but I am comfortable around him. He may be one of the few guys who I'm attracted to and still able to be around without feeling scared, nervous, or afraid.
When I'm with him I don't feel like I have to work on anything. I don't have to cuddle if I don't want to and he isn't going to try to make me. I don't have to pretend to be interested in something if I'm not, he doesn't care. His self confidence is contagious and it feels good.
Mind you, while I'm hanging out with him my phone rang like no tomorrow...when I left his place, I had messages from Beaver, Mandy, Fernando and Mom. Glory!
