Lacan believes that when you desire someone or something it really is representing something else, something deeper. What? I have a desire, a very unmet desire. For the life of me I can't figure out what it really has to do with and so...I ponder on it whenever I get the chance.
Do you have an unmet desire? Is it a person or a thing?
With 99% of the things I desire, I just go out and get them...the problem is that with this one desire, I can't. I guess that's why I want it so bad. It's that one thing that I can't will into being.
I'm sick to my stomach thinking about it. It's one of those things that makes you want to run around the block for hours and hours. It's one of those things that makes life seem unnatural until it's in place. It frustrates, it haunts, it is the ultimate in uncontrolable.
I'm getting ready to leave for Maine, I've started packing up my office. I'm getting rid of the stuff I don't need and figuring out just what items I want to take with me. Again I find myself asking the question...am I running?
I wish I had a sign. Just a little sign to tell me if forward is the right direction right now...if away is the right thing for me to ground in. Yes I'm scared, yes I'm embracing it...but that's beside the point...I'm seeking an answer that only one person can give me and being that the answer I am seeking is outside myself, I am stuck with an unsatisfied desire which I must find a way of getting rid of, of releasing.
My solution...for the time being...more yoga, more long walks with my dogs, more sitting in the sun and reading my books, more essays, more writing, more school, more friends, more family...more distractions...
